Elsewhere and Elsewhen
by Neptune1
Summary: The best way to sum this up would be to ruin the second part...well anyway, it`s about somewhat familiar characters amidst very familiar chaos.


Author`s comment: Well then! Since people actually read my first story, I thought I`d write another. I may have veered off track a bit, but I`m not very good with tracks...anyway, I think this is gonna be a three-part story.  
  
Artemus Dant had gotten used to being a god. Seeing as everyone loved to worship him and weren`t quite up to the intelligence level needed for a rebellion, he was fine with the whole supreme being idea. He just wasn`t sure he was ever meant to rule over a whole planet...  
"Here is your sandwich, Oh Great One! Although, with such an intellect as mine, I should be the great one." Ah, there was that servant, er...what was his name again? Arte could never keep track.  
"Thank you very much, um, Cherished Minion, but I keep telling you I could make my own sandwich if I tried, really."  
"Humble words," mumbled the servant, "and I would certainly love to let you make your own zarquing sandwich! That would, of course, mean my superiors would beat me mercilessly. Yes, poor old Marven the Minion, no one cares about how I feel!" And with that, the sarcastic servant flung the sandwich onto Arte`s vast golden dining table and slumped away with what sounded like a creak.  
Arte munched thoughtfully on his sandwich, wishing he had something to be thoughtful about. Why must life be so dull? Sacrifices, the showering of riches, speeches at the great temples among all those eyes of awe...Artemus was getting sick of the whole routine! He was speculating on whether or not Gods got sick days, when suddenly he heard hysterical shouting coming from a yard or two away from a head or two.  
"Are you deaf, soldier? I said I had a question for His Supreme Coolness! Heck, you must be deaf and blind not to realize that I am His Supreme Coolness."  
The flustered soldier was backing into the beautifully carved door frame of Arte`s mansion, wondering if protocol was more important than survival.  
Artemus opened his mouth, moved it around a bit, then decided that closing it would make him seem a bit more regal.  
"And who might you be?" Arte boomed. Actually, he wasn`t quite used to booming yet so it was more of a nervous whisper.  
"Haven`t you heard of me? I`m Zadoph Beexlebrob, of the Northern Beexlebrobs! I`ve very popular in a percent of the temples."  
"And what percent would that be?"  
"Zero. Well, when multiplied a few times the percentage gets a bit more impressive, but that`s besides the point. I need to talk to you, Monkey God!"  
"Er, what did you just call me?" Artemus had a feeling his guards were trying out their patented Nasty Glares on the impudent commoner.  
"Monkey God. Don`t know why, it just seems to fit for some subconscious reason. Now how do you feel about a donation for a major space exploration?"  
That rhymed! Artemus giggled internally. He was quite good at doing foolish things internally, since he wasn`t really allowed to do them externally.  
"What kind of exploration?" Arte half-boomed.  
"A rather expensive one. Oh, and I`d need you to come along. Supreme beings always help when dealing with bar tabs, you see." Zadoph had barely finished radiating arrogance when a new voice wedged its way into the calamity.  
"I heard someone say bar tabs. I`m going there too, if There happens to serve alcoholic beverages." A beady-eyed creature was wagging its tail nearby.  
"Dorf? I didn`t know you could talk!" Arte exclaimed.  
"Just because I`m a dog doesn`t mean I`m dumb," the pale blue canine stated as he trotted smoothly between a pair of passed-out guards, "and it certainly doesn`t mean water is the only thing I drink."  
At this time Artemus started to notice things. Dorf was the stray he had taken into his home for his yearly charitable act of good godly will. That sarcastic servant, Marvin or whatever his name was, seemed to be enjoying the animosity (obviously he had been in too much despair to make it out the door). Zadolph seemed to be staring at him with two pairs of crossed eyes, but maybe that was just a simple hallucination.   
Artemus also started to realize things. Spending money was easy, but leaving wasn`t. And yet he was afraid that if he didn`t give this commoner what he wanted, he might never shut up...  
  
Part 2 coming Soon!...Ish! Artemus visits a museum, Zadoph meets and annoys the pretty genius Lillian, and Dorf goes howling mad after getting howling drunk.  



End file.
